“My girl has become clingy/desperate/needy/a nag”

The inside truths about why women behave in this supposedly negative way in due course of an affair – even the most casual ones.

A fact remains that men are seriously repellent towards their girls acting way to clingy or nagging away to glory.

Another fact is that all, (literally, all, mind you!) relationship experts who guide women to having better relationships with men greatly emphasise on this factor, thereby making this particular trait a huge no-no when it comes to being committed.

I STRONGLY DISAGREE TO THIS.

True, sobbing and tears and bickering sure is a mood spoiler, but if I may boldly point out so, this is something that is inevitably BOUND to happen in your relationship.

No matter how hot, witty, humorous or confident your girl may seem.

That’s right – even the most SECURE woman in the world is bound to crumble in front of your eyes this way, and will not bother to think twice about how vulnerable it is making her seem, how under-confident her persona has now become or how much it may even be turning you off.

And do you know why this happens?

Because she is downright confident, SUPER CONFIDENT about one thing during this emotional phase –

That she wants YOU, and only YOU for keeps, in her life.

Isn’t it ironic? The very weepy behaviour that makes you determine that this once very beautiful, smiling, charming lady whom you had fallen in love with has now seemed to have stripped herself off and away of any confidence that may have ever remained inside her, is paradoxically confident – in this particular way.

Let me repeat this once again – she does this because she truly wants you in her life – FOR GOOD.

It may sound ridiculous, but as goes the saying that – the grass is always greener on the other side.

Now you may think – if she truly does want me to be with her forever, then why can’t she just always be keen on showing her caring and supporting side, and showering me with all the respect that I need to feel like a man?

Why is she behaving the total opposite?!

Guys, do you want to know the reason why?

You really do?

Look, this may not sound very pleasant, but I’m going to be brutally honest here, because I know that this fact is going to be an eye-opener in order for all of you to understand, and love your girls better.

Why, you may ask again?

Because she isn’t satisfied with you.

There you go – another paradox noted here, eh? But justifying this is surprisingly simple. She just isn’t feeling satisfied because you haven’t retaliated in the way that you should have, and in the exact way THAT SHE REALLY DESERVES.

What with most of us being excessively shrouded emotionally, we resort to taking action in the only way that we’ve been biologically hardwired to do so – by talking away. Amidst tears and anxiety, we blurt out way too much, including a few rude things that we feel we totally shouldn’t have.

Listen, at this point of time, while the entire male race, along with a famous shebang of renowned relationship experts (a large number of whom are women themselves, as a deeply saddening matter of fact) point fingers at us poor ladies and scoff at us saying ‘Oh look at you, you’re such an emotional wreck, get a grip on yourself, you need to have a more interesting life, divert your attention blah blah blah’, it makes us feel a number of things that I just cannot express more with mere adjectives:

(i) Weak,

(ii) Unloved,

(iii) Ugly,

(iv) Lonely,

(v) Frightened.

No matter what kind of circumstances, feeling these negativities at this point of time feels so bad, that it’s always easier said than done for your lady to pick herself up and get back with life again.

But yet again, some of us still do that, especially when we know that we don’t have an option – we have to make it to school so that we can pass our exams or trek our way to work thinking that it’s the only way we earn our bread and butter.

I’m a girl too, and I’ve felt this before. Heck, I’m feeling this even right now as I’m typing this down.

And let me tell you one thing – NO LADY DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS.

Every woman deserves to be treated like a princess, and by this I don’t mean the kind with expensive gifts or dinner dates, but with:

  • Admiration,
  • Affection,
  • Romance.

And guess what? Since you may have bunked on these and may just have taken her for granted, she has flipped and ‘gone bonkers’ from your perspective.

Now that you can see where you’ve gone wrong, there are also a few other fears in her that are playing a subconscious role on further aggravating her emotional sensitivities.

And it’ll greatly benefit you in knowing what these devils are. Take in mind that these fears are NOT her fault, and that you can make a world of difference in her life (as well as yours) if you acknowledge yourself with these deeply personal facts.

I’ve categorized these fears into 2 separate factors, and here they are:

1) The relationship with her father.

Depending on how close your girl has been with her father, your potential relationship with her is also proportionately affected by this. How, you may ask? If she has never been close to him (maybe she never got a chance to do so as he may have passed away or left home at a very young age), or wants to be close to him, but can’t (he’s either too strict or narcissistic), this can greatly affect the way she reacts to you in due course of your relationship.

Hence the nagging, bickering or clinginess – because she is craving for that affection, that admiration, that SECURITY that a man is capable of giving, as she has experienced less of it from daddy dearest.

Boys, I know all of you go gaga over a lady who’s confident and secure in her own right – but ask any woman out there (even the most secure lady who may single-handedly be supporting herself and may be flourishing within her top-notch career) on what makes her feel genuinely relieved at night.

Is it her good looks or personality?

Or is it her smarts or her avid sense of humour?

It’s a craving for SECURITY. The kind where she’s wrapped in a man’s arms tightly, and where she truly feels safe and protected, knowing that nothing bad can ever happen to her now that you’re here as her knight in shining armour.

Men, this is also the secret to winning her heart too! It’s an intense desire that women don’t even know they want, but deep down inside – let me tell you, we all do!

The bottom line here is that she has been deprived of this very need. And if you’ve been slacking back after the first few months of your tantalizing honeymoon phase and ignoring her truest sentiments – the things big and small that make an impact on her life (and yes, the tears that she cries and all those PMS mood swings are also a part of this package) then she’s bound to show you the clingy and desperate side of hers that you very well don’t like.

I was extremely close to my father from as long as I can remember and when I was 15 I heard he had been suffering from blood cancer. At 17 years of age I watched him die in front of my own eyes, while I felt utterly helpless and hopeless. He had been my only true friend, and once he expired I truly felt abandoned.

It seems like he has left an inescapable void and I’ve realized that I’ve been trying to fill this very void by subconsciously looking for the same feelings of security in the men I’ve dated and have been in relationships with. It took me years to figure out this very reason, as I had also ended up acting clingy and needy when my former boyfriends began to give me less attention as a few months of courtship had passed by.

Another rule of thumb for all you guys who are thinking of getting involved with any girl is to try and acknowledge yourselves about your girl’s relationship with her father as much, and as soon as you can. Is she close to her dad and is able to confide in him about her worldly woes, while receiving all the affection and independence that today’s women are rightfully entitled to?

Or does she shudder at the mere mention of her dad, and is barely able to face him when it comes to discussing any issues that she may be having with her life? If this is the case, then similar negative traits are also bound to affect your relationship with her!

You can turn this situation around to your favour, but I’ll be getting to that in a moment.

Here’s the second subconscious reason as to why she may be in emotional turmoil:

2) The manner in which her former relationships have ended.

While this is also subject to your lady’s overall repertoire with her father, observing a pattern in terms of how her past relationships ended is also another rather idiosyncratic yet sensible way to perceive the underlying reason for her behaviour.

Based on what you may be knowing about how her previous affairs were like (in due course of dating we all tend to open up about titbits related to our past love affairs, right?) you can determine if she possesses a subconscious fear of being abandoned and neglected.

And it is this very fear that is contributing to her inner desires to do whatever it takes to keep YOU at her heels (and this thereby is happening by being overly attached and panicky).

Has she been repetitively dumped by guys before, especially when things have seemingly been going great?

Have they too slacked back a tad more than they should have, and then completely disappeared out of her life?

If any of the above scenarios have taken place before with a man whom she may have been madly in love with in her past, chances are that she’s now fearful of being abandoned once again – and hence the radically undesirable possessiveness towards you.

Did you know that *you* can turn this situation around and that *you* have the power to sort things out as easily as ever?

If you’re one of those guys who have a heart of gold and truly love the wrecked woman who doesn’t seem to be looking up to you in precisely the way that you want her to nonetheless, then some courage and willpower from your end is all that’s needed to transform the depths of your tumultuous relationship into one where the two of you shall continue to share stronger bonds between each other, gain better confidence in expressing each other’s deepest secrets, desires and concerns and love each other even more – even after the most brutal fights!

Yes, it’s true – and I will promptly assure you that. Just think about it – aren’t the above traits all what you could possibly want in a healthy relationship? All of us do, as a matter of fact!

No matter what kind of hardships you may have to face with your relationship in the future, always, always remember that most women are capable of being easily convinced and loved again – especially if she has already fallen for you and if she’s the emotionally sensitive kind that we’re talking about here.

As a man, you may just want to avoid her at this particular point in time (I mean, she’s creating emotional pandemonium all over the place and you just can’t think of any way to try and counteract this situation, right?). If I may say so, that very woman who’s constantly been crying her eyes out 24/7 is simply doing so –

Because she is in love with you, and just wants you to be close to her.

Yes, that’s all she wants, and nothing more than that. She doesn’t want you to give her any practical ‘solutions’ to her wailing and sobbing – because there aren’t any in the first place. All you need to be man enough to do is just hug her tight, shush her down and plant a caring kiss on her forehead.

“Enough baby, enough. That’s enough” Calmly, protectively, reassuringly.

“Oh no darling, you’ve just got this all wrong. Don’t ever think I’ve fallen out of love with you. I love you just as much as before. You ended up feeling this way because I just slacked back a little in terms of regularly contacting you and all, isn’t it? But that just doesn’t mean that I don’t think of you and that you’re not my priority. Okay, from now on I’ll stay in touch the way you want me to, hmm?” Holding her hand and looking into her eyes, saying this is bound to create the dramatic change in her otherwise compulsive instincts that she may be feeling for you right now.

As women, sometimes we need just a little reassurance to go a long way with you.

Love better,

S.

***Women – we really are beautiful flowers. So yes, please do be gentle when you handle us***

One thought on ““My girl has become clingy/desperate/needy/a nag”

  1. Pingback: “She’s attached to me, big time. And it makes me feel goooood” | Emasculated No More

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